Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize