Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize