she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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