I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think I won the penis lottery.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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