I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
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Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
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Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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