I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
BRING THE BAGELS
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize