Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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