You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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