eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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