are you still at the devil's house?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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