With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
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Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
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I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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