We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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