his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize