hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
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I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
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I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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