he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
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He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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