i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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