Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
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Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
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I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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