we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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