Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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