Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
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Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
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Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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