i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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