Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize