Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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