I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
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I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
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If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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