your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
the liver wants what the liver wants
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Randomize