oh god the rape fog is back!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize