tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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