Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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