I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
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If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
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only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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