bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
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I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Never joke about your clitoris.
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