life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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