We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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