Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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