my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
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Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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