I'll bet she douches with gravy.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize