mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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