I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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