Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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