Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize