the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Jerry, you need to find god
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
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I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
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Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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