Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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