i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
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Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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