I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
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Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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