i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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