what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
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Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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