Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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