So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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