hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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