is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize