your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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